My Wake-up Call from Karin
The short story is that after doing a lot of wonderful work with Karin I allowed myself to be overrun with anticipation, expectations and fears and completely abandoned myself in the process. My intense desire to be the perfect single parent completely overshadowed my commitment to myself to stay connected and to be mindful, disciplined and consistent with regard to my spiritual growth. I again became disconnected and ran myself ragged in the process literally putting all of my focus on my children in a desperate attempt to make up for what I perceived to be the deficiencies in my past while physically, emotionally and spiritually bankrupting myself in the process. It was shocking to see how quickly someone with seemingly the best of intentions can become disconnected and how far one can deteriorate in the process. In fact, Karin told me that I was so disillusioned after working so hard I had reached the point where I had subconsciously decided to have a stroke to check out.
This work has gifted me with a new insight it just doesn’t matter. We only have right now and the simple choice of how we want to inhabit the present. Constantly attempting to make up for the perceived deficiencies of my past was keeping us all in the past, focused on judgment through comparison with a period of time and experience that just doesn’t matter anymore. By fixating on the past, I allowed myself to abandon the re-awakening of my true self and tried to become a servant to my children instead of an example to them.
What I’ve learned is that we are all who we are where we are in this moment. We are constantly surrounded by love and support that we can choose to open ourselves up to and offer freely to others. Our experience is right now without the burden of regret, expectation or anticipation. Right now you are forgiven. Right now there is no judgment. Right now you are healed. Right now you are loved. And for right now, and right now and every single right now that endlessly follows, what happened an hour ago, a day ago, a week, month, year or a lifetime ago well, it just doesn’t matter.